Bones was born on a late January morning in 2010.   The day before, I had worked a full day and the nurse at school told me that I looked like I had four chins.  My blood pressure had spiked, so I was admitted to the hospital to be induced the next morning.

That evening, I was unprepared as I waited.  GP went home to let out the dog and gather the last minute things that were not in my bag (hello cell phone charger?) and get some sleep.  He wanted to sleep in his own bed since the next day would prove to be a long one. Who can blame him?  I must admit I was jealous, and a little annoyed that he was allowed to leave and I was suck strapped to monitors and pressing a button every time I had to pee!

The plan was to start Pitocin the next morning around 5:00am.  I had gotten a foley bulb (don’t Google it, trust me it’s gross) and when it fell out the next morning, we would be good to start induction.  Well, GP left, and there I was…. stuck with Vicki.  Thank god Vicki was a wonderful, happy nurse, because I was scared.  I didn’t know what to expect, and all of those books hadn’t at all prepared me for the nine months of pregnancy, so how could they prepare me for what was about to happen?

About an hour after GP left, the foley bulb came out.  This was NOT the plan.  Oh.  Shit.  The nurse read Dr. Calm’s orders.  As soon as foley bulb falls out in AM, start Pitocin.  Dr. Calm planned on arriving early to be there shortly after the Pitocin started and wait it out.  He said we could expect a dinner time baby.

Soooo… Vicki and I are stuck.  Do we call everyone back in and start induction or do we pretend that never happened and let this Fat Momma-to-be get some sleep?  Thank  GOD she chose the latter.

At 6:30am the next morning, the Pitocin drip started.  About 20 minutes later, my water broke.  It felt like a huge balloon between my legs.  So, it was time.  After about 40 minutes in the bathroom, we were ready to push.  I decided I would not be a hero and get an epidural.  The doctor came in, stuck that huge ass needle in my back, and off I was in lala land.  Except… it didn’t take.   My left butt cheek was numb.  But that was it.  Hello?  My vagina needs to be numb.  Nope- not so much.

50 rough minutes went by and Bones was born.  That was a total of not quite three hours for my first baby.  Rockstar?  Yeah, that’s me.  She weighed 6lbs. 10oz. was feisty from the start.


Now, at almost three, Bones is VERY opinionated, loves drama, and will prove to be a lawyer, a mom of 18 Baby Alives, or The Devil Wears Prada.  Hey.  At least I have high hopes for my kids…


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