When you’re a child time stands still. It stares you in the face. Two more weeks until summer break. Five more days until your birthday. Twenty-three more days until Christmas. You wish and wish and wish away your childhood, wanting the next time, thing, or visit. Suddenly, when you’re an adult, especially after you have kids, you wonder, why does time keep running away from you? Sometimes I wonder why I can’t rewind back to my childhood. I can just keep wishing and praying for the next big thing.
As an adult, I fear the next big thing. The next big thing for me may be a career change. Making these decisions sucks. As much as I’m not happy with the current state of affairs in the Casa de Fig, change is hard. And it’s really, really scary. I ask people for their advice, but seriously, it’s not their life. I’ve had advice telling me to drop it all and go back to school full time all the way to, don’t quit your job- you’ll always regret not having summers off. So, how come there is no answer to these questions in the Manual for Life? Better yet- where is the damn Manual?
I don’t know why I fear making decisions- there are very few I regret. Even if it wasn’t the right choice at the time, it usually lead me to a better place. I learned, I grew up, and some weird messed up way, I became better. Unfortunately, I have NOT made one of these life-changing decisions since my kids were born. I didn’t have to decide whether or not to move, to take a new job, to buy a bigger house. Before I had kids, we had already bought a house. I had already been teaching for four years. We were already married. Making big decisions like these is scary. But it’s even worse when you’ve got kids.
When you’re 21 and really stupid, the decisions you make only really affect you. Now, I could change my whole family unit. Holy. Crap.
So how do you decide? How do you answer these tough questions? How do you know what you don’t even know?
My answer is…. I really don’t know.