Silence…

is golden.  Or nice.  Or horrible.  Yes, I feel like a schizo right now (don’t worry, I checked the spelling).

I sent one of the lovlies off to Lito and Lita’s house for the weekend.  She was invited to a birthday party that we were not.  This kid has a bigger social life than we do.  The other chubster is napping.  So, for all intensive purposes, I’m alone.  ALONE.  IN MY OWN HOME.  Which happens NEVER.  Sweet Jesus.  And what am I doing?  Yes, the same shit I do when my kids are here.  The same shit I do when my husband is here.

I feel like I should be doing cartwheels naked through my first floor.  Except that I can’t do a cartwheel.

I have a party tonight, so I should take a shower and take my sweet ass time getting ready.  There is currently a small putting green on my bedroom floor from my husband’s golf shoes, so I could be cleaning up there.  Nope, I’m checking Facebook, making sure I friend Leslie Marinelli (duh, TheBeardedIris), who is switching her FB account, and drinking Diet Coke.

What is WRONG with me?

I finally feel like I can write again, I don’t know why.  I felt like my creative juices just weren’t flowing.  In the four weeks of monsoons recently, I just haven’t felt up to much, other than praying that my kids won’t attack one another while we are stuck inside every day.

Oh and yes, I’m trying REALLY f-ing hard not to eat everything in my pantry.

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Baby Personalities

I was working wasting time on the computer this morning,  Ya know those precious minutes before ANYONE else in your house is awake?  I should have been using them to clean my house, prepare for the day, or shower, but instead, I sat by the fire, slippers on, enjoying the News and some Face.book. 

I came across this article that suggested that babies have personality types.  Of course, I was interested.  Because my kids go from high to low at any given minute, I wanted to name their personality type. 

After looking at the six personality types, I think that Bones is the INTENSE one and Skin is the SENSITIVE one.  Although he gets mad, I think he’s more mad because he’s at the age where he can’t tell us what he wants.  He can’t communicate, and his sister overrules a lot of his actions.  Bones has to be intense because her dramatic flair would leave people to believe that she’s dying in the middle of the store.  Offer her a lollipop?  Tears off, smile on in an instant.  I still don’t know why I haven’t enrolled her in acting school yet. 

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Cinderella ain’t got nothin on her.

Where is the Manual for Life?

When you’re a child time stands still.  It stares you in the face.  Two more weeks until summer break.  Five more days until your birthday.  Twenty-three more days until Christmas.  You wish and wish and wish away your childhood, wanting the next time, thing, or visit.  Suddenly, when you’re an adult, especially after you have kids, you wonder, why does time keep running away from you?  Sometimes I wonder why I can’t rewind back to my childhood.  I can just keep wishing and praying for the next big thing.

As an adult, I fear the next big thing.  The next big thing for me may be a career change.  Making these decisions sucks.  As much as I’m not happy with the current state of affairs in the Casa de Fig, change is hard.  And it’s really, really scary.  I ask people for their advice, but seriously, it’s not their life.  I’ve had advice telling me to drop it all and go back to school full time all the way to, don’t quit your job- you’ll always regret not having summers off.  So, how come there is no answer to these questions in the Manual for Life?  Better yet- where is the damn Manual? 

I don’t know why I fear making decisions- there are very few I regret.  Even if it wasn’t the right choice at the time, it usually lead me to a better place.  I learned, I grew up, and some weird messed up way, I became better.  Unfortunately, I have NOT made one of these life-changing decisions since my kids were born.  I didn’t have to decide whether or not to move, to take a new job, to buy a bigger house.  Before I had kids, we had already bought a house. I had already been teaching for four years.  We were already married.  Making big decisions like these is scary.  But it’s even worse when you’ve got kids. 

When you’re 21 and really stupid, the decisions you make only really affect you.  Now, I could change my whole family unit. Holy.  Crap. 

So how do you decide?  How do you answer these tough questions?  How do you know what you don’t even know? 

My answer is…. I really don’t know. 

 

 

Where It All Began…

I’m starting over…  I’m looking to blog more, but I find that I can’t blog as much because several people who actually KNEW me have the address to my other blog.  And unfortunately, because I don’t have any balls, I censor A LOT of what I write.  It’s easier to be unknown.   Anyway… I’ve been married to my husband, GP (a Puerto Rican golf professional), for 4 1/2 years and we have two kids, Bones (almost three year old girl who is the skinniest thing ever), and Skin (little cubba wubba one year old boy).  Life is crazy working full-time, as a teacher, but eh, we manage.  Most days.  Some days, it chaotically sucks.  Some days, it’s absolute wonderful chaos.   I never lack chaos.  I have enough of that for my whole neighborhood.  I often feel compelled to write about things like…. food, my love/hate relationship with food, my kids (okay this may be the topic I write about most) body image, work, and trying to stop and smell the roses (which I often forget to do).   I like to try to think I eat healthy, but I usually suck if I am not surrounded by healthy options, and I do like to work out- if I can find time.  So…. here we go again….